🌸 Finding My Own Rhythm

As we reach a particular season of life — not tied to a number, but to an inner shift — something changes. We begin to realize that our time and schedule truly belong to us. As a widow with no family obligations pressing in, I’m discovering the freedom to release the constant “I should” and replace it with “I choose.”

When I commit to a volunteer role or a project, it no longer feels like an obligation; it feels like a genuine opportunity. Instead, it’s an “I get to” — a chance to give, connect, and grow — rather than an “I have to.”

It’s been four years since my husband passed. In that time, I’ve moved through waves of grief toward acceptance and now feel ready to begin a new chapter, one that is entirely mine. I no longer look to a man to define my worth or provide the love and care I once thought I needed.

There were two men I opened my heart to after my loss. Both experiences left me feeling broken and hurt. I tried so hard to be loved and admired that I lost sight of myself. I became needy, insecure, and unsure — a version of me that isn’t truly who I am.

That chapter is over. Today, I choose to stand in my own strength. I want to feel resourceful, independent, and grateful for the life that remains. This is my time to explore, to create, and to embrace the woman I am becoming.

🌸 A Word to the Men

Over the past four years, I’ve also observed a striking difference in how men and women often move forward after loss. In my Grief Share group, there were three widowed men. All three have since remarried. Only one woman in the group remarried — to a man who had been a trusted friend of her husband’s for many years.

Many widowed men I’ve met are deeply lonely. Some have never cooked for themselves, never handled the cleaning, or miss the warmth of companionship. Their desire to remarry is often driven by a passion for partnership, care, and a sense of home again. I understand that need — loneliness can be overwhelming.

Yet I also hope men will take time to nurture their own independence and healing, just as women are learning to do. Learning to cook, to clean, to handle the rhythms of daily life on your own can be an act of self-respect. It’s not just about survival skills; it’s about growing into a fuller version of yourself before inviting someone else into your life.

🌸 Moving Forward

For me, this chapter is about self-discovery, strength, and gratitude. Whether you are a man or a woman, a widow or a widower, I hope that we all give ourselves time to grow whole, not out of fear, but out of respect for our own journey and for the future relationships we may choose.

🌸Closing Reflection

Whether you’re a widow or a widower, healing takes time. Before stepping into a new relationship, ask yourself: “Am I seeking someone to fill a void, or am I ready to share my life from a place of wholeness?” There is no single timeline, no universal correct answer — only your journey and your readiness. Taking the time to grow, to learn, and to stand on your own can transform future love into a partnership built on mutual strength rather than need.